When you hold your tongue, you open your mouth! There are several reasons we “eat to feel better” & the lack of speaking your mind and heart is a major one. Ultimately, we “eat more because we feel less”. We literally “feed” the sadness, heartache, anger, loneliness, anxiety, or resentment. Instead, learning to speak your mind will free you from emotional eating.
Sheila, a client of mine, maintains a seemingly “no big deal” attitude about ongoing challenges with her business partner. The biz partner tends to handle important business decisions without consulting Sheila and without informing her, leaving her unprepared in many situations. When she and I met for her coaching session, she lamented about how much she had eaten the prior evening. “I wasn’t even hungry”, she stated, “yet, I ate till my stomach hurt”. Suspicious behavior for a woman who usually takes good care of herself… So I began asking questions about the day’s/week’s events prior to the binge. We uncovered, that without Sheila’s knowledge, her business partner again re-arranged a project without her knowledge and was caught off guard by an employee.
Sheila said she felt very “Stupid”. “Even though the change was actually a great choice, Sheila should have been consulted or at least informed. She felt devalued and a pushed aside. I asked Sheila how she had handled this issue with her partner and she replied, “I didn’t”. She thought she’d let it slide (again), she didn’t want to cause a fuss! Well it slid alright, right into Sheila’s gullet, hundreds of useless, empty and unhealthy calories due to Sheila’s unwillingness to set required boundaries with her biz partner! Sheila tried to overlook it because she was afraid. Speaking your mind can be frightening at first, but the consequences of not speaking are never worth it. We also found a pattern with Shelia connecting bingeing with holding her tongue. A great discovery!
“Feel the fear and do it anyway!” Susan Jeffers
“When We Do Not Speak, We Do Eat.”
Consider this ladies: every single time you withhold speaking your heart and mind, you will eat, or indulge in some other form of escape (alcohol, shopping, controlling, internet, working, TV and so on). Let me repeat that, every single time you withhold speaking your heart and mind, you will eat or indulge in some form of escape. This is without fail. Unmet needs don’t go away, they just get covered up with crappy habits!
When you feel like eating or you begin to crave sugary or fatty snacks… ask yourself these three questions:
- Am I physically hungry? (if yes, then eat! If no, read on!)
- Who/what am I upset with and what did I not say but need to”?
- How will I handle this situation moving forward?
Tips To Speak Your Mind
1. Get centered first so you don’t over react or speak ugly!
2. Speak clearly, calmly and kindly; and use as few words as possible (keep it short)
3. Do not engage in arguing. Make this commitment. No angry exchange is fruitful.
4. Share your perspective without blaming.
5. Make every effort to handle the situation immediately. BUT, if that’s not possible, handle it when you can.
Good luck speaking your heart and mind. If you’re afraid, just remember everything becomes easier with practice! You will get the hang of it and eating LESS is a wonderful reward!